Continuing Best For Film’s series of slightly mucky blogs in the run-up to Nymphomaniac‘s release tomorrow, our resident pervert Vincent has rolled up his sleeves and charged fist-first into the unexpectedly lavish castle of erotic inspiration (well, unexpected to everyone but Vincent) that is the Disney canon. Ever wanted to witness a grown man confess to fancying a fox? You’ve come to the right place.

Now that Maleficent has been given a backstory to help us UNDERSTAND why she’s so evil, we reckon the rest of the Disney villains need to share their psycho-damaging woes with the world. You’ll never look at Scar the same way again…

Star Wars Origins: Bobarine?

My colours have been nailed to Disney’s mast for a long while. Sure, from the outside looking in they’re a massively corporate entity that’s prime focus at all times is on turning a profit. Sure, they’re founded by a fascist (who isn’t these days, am I right?!). Neither of these things negates the fact that they make brilliant films. But hey, come on guys, what’s the best Disney film? Aristocats maybe, who doesn’t love a singing jazz cat? Not this guy! Or wait, Beauty & The Beast is a classic, Stockholm syndrome ‘n that, plus you know the beast would be dynamite in bed – he’s literally a beast.

Because Hollywood won’t stop until there are no YA books left. Not one.

The Queen Mother of Grime and Hepatitis herself will grace Kenneth Branagh’s Cinderella.

What even is this?

EVERYONE RELAX. Our Angry Birds Star Wars updates are in no danger

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a… oh. Oh, it IS a plane.

Clue: pumpkins and bitchy sisters.