They actually pay someone to write this stuff.

How about ‘Pirates of the Caribbean 5: Dead horse flogged’?

To celebrate the brief few days between the release of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and its inevitable box office flop, we thought we’d channel the very muckiest of Captain Jack Sparrow’s rum-guzzling habits and settle you down for an evening of alcoholism on the high seas. Avast, where be that Babycham?

Just when you thought the ship had finally sunk to the bottom of the sea bed, those pirates, who may or may not be in the Caribbean any more, swing back with another romping instalment of nautical based madness. Your timbers should indeed be shivering.

An alternative to walking on sticky floors and having the equivalent of Marge Simpson sit in front of you

The first teaser trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides has been released. Come have a look-see!

For any of you that can’t wait for the release of the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie in May, we’ve tracked down some valuable booty! The first footage from Stranger Tides is here…..

Certain of their pending success, Disney jumps the gun and preps Pirates 5 and 6.

On Stranger tides indeed. It’s been revealed today that though a lot of Pirates 4 will be filmed in Hawaii, a sister location will be used for some scenes. And that glamourous location is? Cornwall. Brilliant.

Apparently the sultry star of Nine (well, potential Best Supporting Actress anyway) is in negotiations to join Pitt on his latest cruise around the Caribbean. The two have worked together before in the heartbreaking memoir Blow so it’s safe to say that there’s be no lack of chemistry on-board. Swapping Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom for Penelope Cruz? It’s a bit like swapping an old button and a bit of a playing card for 20 quid.