Just when you thought there wasn’t any flesh left in this franchise to shave off and wear, out comes news of yet another sequel. Twisted Pictures have apparently been planning a seventh (yep, seventh) outing for Leatherface for a while now, and have finally settled on writers Adam Marcus and Debra Sullivan to pen a script
How do you judge the greatest horror film ever made? Is it how near you come to running out the room, sweating? Is it the intensity of the nightmares that follow? Or is it the film that sparks off agorophobia? If that is the criteria, then Big Momma’s House gets my vote.
This film is a massacre of horror films; a ridiculous, unwatchable mess of storylines crossing storylines and half-naked teenagers falling over branches at every turn. Did we ask for another remake, reboot or continuation of the Texas Chainsaw franchise? I don’t think so. Even worse, were we really that desperate to have it shown to us in 3D? Has anyone ever said, ‘God, I REALLY hope they reboot Texas Chainsaw Massacre soon, it’s just been too long!’? Still, here it is. So you’ll just have to make do with the fact that it’s really, really bad.
Not content with desecrating the legacy of such horror classics as The Wicker Man, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Hitchcock’s own Psycho, Hollywood is now setting out to turn The Birds into yet another lifeless, pointless, remake.
Of the many wonderful things about Netflix – like being able to watch five seasons of RuPaul’s Drag Race without getting up, and never being in danger of accidentally watching a film you’ve heard of – my favourite is rummaging through the weird careers of major Hollywood stars. For example, just by clicking on his name, I can look at Val Kilmer’s catalogue, watch all the horror movies that pop up, and then sort-of review them with gently derisive affection. Right, let’s do that then.
The 80s was a decade of low budget horror, most long forgotten and ready to stay that way. But every so often, a film returns to the modern world, ready to be re-evaluated, and maybe even re-appreciated. With the gratuitous cover art of a chainsaw-wielding anthropomorphise pig, I was expecting 1980’s horror-comedy Motel Hell to be another disappointment for the fire. But there is a god, and Motel Hell actually lives up to its evocative advertising.
It’s not scary, it’s not funny, it’s not even very bloody. Aside from a few interesting set designs, the only revelation here is how bad it is. Silent Hill: Revelation is in the running for worst film of the year, and at the moment the odds are in its favour. Run from it.
As the BBFC rescues us from the horror of / robs us of the chance to see and evaluate The Human Centipede: Full Sequence (delete as appropriate), we’ve taken a moment to look back at some of the other films which have, over the years, been banned from British screens. You may be surprised at what we’ve found…
Snipe London
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