Stiff Statham and talented Tom are being considered for the role of Snake in a remake of Escape From New York
Jason Statham is quickly gaining a cult status amongst action aficionados. With his tough-guy looks and skilfully killer moves, there’s something here to please the gals as well as the guys. With his latest flick Parker hitting cinemas this week we thought it only right you be fully prepared for every ensuing eventuality and therefore humbly present this week’s cheat sheet.
The trailer for Jason Statham as psychotic gangster Parker breaks no new ground, but what do we care? We’re philistines. Just give us more Statham!
Parker isn’t entertainingly bad like Crank or The Transporter 1 through 3. It’s just bad. Bad acting, bad plot, bad villains, bad heroes, and a bad-ass car.
Jason Statham is made of rage and speaks like he’s reading the instruction manual for setting up a Freeview box. Naturally neither of these things elevate Parker to the lofty heights of, say, The Mechanic; and make for the most mind-numbing 118 minutes of your life that you will never get back.
Parker is out soon, and if you’ve seen the trailer/moody-ish poster you’ll know that singer Jennifer Lopez is in it, starring alongside rent-a-hardman Jason Statham. This isn’t the first film J-Lo has been in. To be honest, we’re not sure why that keeps happening. And to make things even more dire, Lopez has threatened revealed she would like to take on more acting roles due to her ‘great experience’ working with Statham on set. But Jen’s not the only one who should just slip away quietly back into the recording studio AND STAY THERE.
In 2006, unofficially-crowned Worst Director of All Time Uwe Boll made an action-fantasy video-game adaptation (of the Dungeon Siege games) called In The Name Of The King. It cost $60million, starred Jason Statham and Ron Perlman, and boasted supporting turns from Ray Liotta and Burt Reynolds. It made less than $14million and has a Rotten Tomatoes score of 4%. Now, six years later, he’s made a sequel. Super.
What do a dying Sheikh, a bunch of SAS guys and Clive Owen with a dodgy moustache have in common? They all want to screw up Jason Statham’s day, and he won’t let them. Killer Elite tells the story of an ex-hitman out of retirement for One Last Hurrah. It’s not as predictable as you might think. Oddly, that doesn’t help matters.
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