Kirsten Dunst is miserable again, and we for three cannot wait to see why! Celebrating the release of Lars von Trier’s Melancholia with a look back at Kirsten’s life in film, we present the Cliff Notes on a career that has gone from saving the planet from sentient children’s toys to just having a big, tired sit on the ground in order to watch the world burn. She once kissed Brad Pitt and hated it; how many 11-year-olds can say that?

Kirsten Dunst and Charlotte Gainsbourg both give admirably miserable performances in Melancholia; a shoe-in for Film Most Likely To Make You Top Yourself 2011. Bleak, beautiful, and oh so very Von Trier, Melancholia offers an alternative to your run of the mill blast-tastic apocalypse – it turns out there’s going to be a lot of horses lying down.

Con artist Chester MacFarland (Viggo Mortensen), his young wife Colette (Kirsten Dunst) and a stranger called Rydal (Oscar Issac) are forced to go on the run in a foreign country..

It is common across the film industry to see actors and directors cement firm partnerships over the years starring and creating films together. The film Promised Land reunites the award-winning creative team behind Good Will Hunting, with Gus Van Sant and Matt Damon coming together again to create this thought-provoking drama. In celebration of this partnership, we’re looking at some of the most successful actor/director relationships across the history of film.

Ugh.

With the news that Arnie’s Terminator just won’t die, we’re looking at our DVD collection to see which of our favourite movies we just want gosh darned left alone. There aren’t many left now; Star Wars is lost, Die Hard’s been beaten into the ground… there are even rumours of a Roger Rabbit sequel in the works, because apparently just nothing is sacred. So here are the top 10 sequels we hope never happen.

A love triangle in the works?

FINALLY! It may be only day 7 of our Christmas countdown, but we’re diving into the sherry because it’s the last of the bloody bird-related ones. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be funny about twenty-three sort-of birds over the course of a week? No wonder we’ve ended up writing about such tenuous nonsense. Still, take heart – Christmas is just a few days away and there will be maids for you tomorrow. Until then, Christmas swans ’til death!

Best For Film’s Favourite Flicks returns, and this week it’s safely in the hands of bona fide writer – seriously, she did a radio play and everything – Florence Vincent. What are you going to go for, Flo? Which bastion of classic cinema reigns supreme within your heart? Citizen Kane? Vertigo? What’s that – something more recent? How about Taxi Driver? Sátántangó? Requiem for a Dream? Oh, it’s a not-quite-nineties teen film with the Thong Song guy in it. Obviously.

Based on Jack Kerouac’s semi-autobiographical masterpiece, On The Road is awash with promiscuous sex, rambling prose and cool jazz. Fans of the book may appreciate the loosely structured narrative, but will soon tire of the repetitive plot developments which become so monotonous as to lack reason and purpose.