Don’t pretend you know his real name.

Valentine’s Day approaches, and as this Friday night looms you’re either putting the finishing touches on the mound of presents you’ve prepared for your other half or injecting K Cider into your genitals in the hope that it’ll feel like someone stroking (or at least punching) you. If the former is true, we hate you – if it’s the latter, put that syringe down and try having a drink the traditional way. Compulsively.

Brand-new indie rom-com Like Crazy has hit cinemas, bringing with it a wealth of brutal honesty and bitter views on love. Hurray! How will we cope with all of this unsugared reality? By drinking, that’s how! Grab yourselves a suitable alcoholic bevvy, a stack of DVDs and a handful of cynical friends… things are about to get messy.

Friday will keep rolling around, dammit, and it’s become somewhat of a tradition on this sad, sad day for two BFF guards to fight it out on a topic of contention. This week, it’s the fluffiest of all demonic reprobates: The Rom-Com.

I know, I know, shocking news right?

20th Century Fox have purchased the movie rights to Jane Heller’s novel An Ex To Grind, and top romantic comedy actress Cameron Diaz and award-guzzling Benicio Del Toro are set to star. The chick-lit novel tells the story of a washed out star-athlete (Del Toro) who used to support his waitress wife, but now that his career is over and she’s a success, she has to support him.

Tom Hanks is about to take his place behind the camera again to direct another rom-com called Larry Crowne, starring Julia Roberts and Mr. Hanks himself.

Diablo Cody, screenwriter of Juno and Jennifer’s Body is rumoured to be producing a new Zombie rom-com called Breathers: A Zombie’s Lament. The film is an adaptation of SG Browne’s novel of the same name.

Franks and beans!

Accio girders? No, it really doesn’t work.