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Horror Films 2013 – our Top 10 picks

Horror Films 2013 – our Top 10 picks

According to statistics, you guys just can't get enough of scaring yourselves shitless. Always keen to please, us lovely folks at BFF have collaborated a Top 10 list of the best horror films we think will be worth crapping your pants for this year. And with Texas Chainsaw 3D thoroughly shoved under the carpet forever, we can start with some decent horrors. Sadly, Jesus Hates Zombies didn't make the cutting. So what did?

Horror films 2013 #10 – The Last Exorcism Part II

How many of these exorcism films actually exist now? Hundreds, probably. Are they still even that scary? Stop your moaning, what’s a Top 10 horror film list without an exorcism or two? In the sequel to The Last Exorcism, our female protagonist tries to make a new life before discovering that the demon never really left her in the first place. Chills, chills and more chills.

 

Horror films 2013 #9 – I, Frankenstein

Barely anyone knows anything about this movie, aside from the fact that it stars Bill Nighy and Aaron Eckhart (we’re imagining a rather dashing Frankenstein’s monster). We did manage to unearth a nice bit of I, Frankenstein concept art for you though, which looks worryingly identical to Prometheus 2. Whoops! Sharing art departments are we? I, Frankenstein will be based on the novel, obvs, and will see Frankenstein’s monster in a battle between the human race and a gang of immortal creatures. More vampires and werewolves!

 

Horror films 2013 #8 – The ABCs of Death

If V/H/S didn’t do it for you (why on earth not? Go watch it again!), The ABCs of Death will try, try and try again. This new horror features a collection of 26 short films by 26 different directors, each assigned a different letter in the alphabet (much like those glorious ABC educational books you read as a kid) and depicting death in whichever gruesome way they see fit; from clay-motion to toddler fight club. We happened to stumble upon ‘T for Toilet’ on YouTube and simultaneously loved and regretted watching it (you’ll find out why), so we’ve decided to show you the clip. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

 

Horror films 2013 #7 – The Lords of Salem

The Devil’s Rejects director Rob Zombie returns with another gruesome and totally insane horror about a group of evil witches tormenting a radio DJ through musical vibes. Love or hate him, Zombie will deliver the stuff of nightmares, complete with mental facepaint and Satan-worshipping.

 

Horror films 2013 #6 – American Mary

American Mary may be already on its way to DVD, but that hasn’t stopped us feeling all kinds of excitement for this demented gore fest. Katharine Isabelle (who is, apparently, marvellous) stars in the Soska’s sisters visceral and shocking new horror about ex-medical student Mary, who becomes involved in a series of underground surgeries that quickly become more fucked up by the minute. Suitable only for the truly twisted.

 

Horror films 2013 #5 – Maniac

Elijah Wood stars as the maniac/mannequin-obsessed psychopath constantly on the hunt for new scalps (eh?) and nice young women to slaughter. How long’s it been since we’ve seen Elijah Wood in something actually half decent? (The Hobbit doesn’t count, cheats) The first 6 minutes are already available online, and our beloved ex-hobbit has taken on his psychopathic role like a true pro. If you can get past the fact that he’s not Frodo.

(While you’re here, check out the brand new poster for Maniac!)

 

Horror films 2013 #4 – Mama

Señor del Toro is the executive producer for this new Spanish-Canadian horror, starring Jessica Chastain and two badly behaved children writing on walls (probably in someone’s blood). Centred on a plot that’d give Pan’s Labyrinth a run for its money (TWO little girls lost in a wood, rather than one), we can only hope del Toro has taught first-time director Andrés Muschietti everything he knows. RAM it, Muschietti!

 

Horror films 2013 #3 – Evil Dead

It made it into our Top 3, because have you seen that trailer? It’s awful, disgusting, horrifying and full of sickos slitting each other’s tongues. We love that kind of thing here at BFF, and though we’re not one for advocating remakes, this one certainly looks like it could do the Evil Dead franchise justice. Also, tree-rape.

 

Horror films 2013 #2 – Stoker

Ahh, Stoker. Directed by Oldboy‘s Chan-wook Park and starring Nicole Kidman and Mia Wasikowska, Stoker will be no doubt be an eerie and vicious look at family relationships gone haywire. I mean, just look at the image. How wonderfully serene but also strangely sinister. We’re going to be feeling so many feelings in this film. We can’t wait.

 

Horror films 2013 #1 – Carrie

Of course this is number 1, and do you know why? Chloë Grace Moretz and Julianne Moore, that’s why. So unless you’ve been possessed for the last year, you’ll be well aware of the new Carrie remake based on Stephen King’s first novel. Moretz looks almost unrecognisable as the bloodied and vengeful Carrie, and frankly YES YES KILL THOSE BITCHES THAT BULLIED YOU YOU GO GLEN COCO! Ever the inspirational film, Carrie is our number one horror film we’re most looking forward to this year, with another essentially unknown director. Watch the trailer here! 2013 looks set to be the year for up-and-coming horror directors!

 

And our top 5 horror films to avoid this year…

 

Horror film to avoid #5 – Warm Bodies

You’re in denial if you think Warm Bodies looks remotely funny. Stick with Shaun of the Dead or Zombieland to satisfy your zom-com needs. Avoid Nicholas Hoult at all costs.

 

Horror film to avoid #4 – Jesus Hates Zombies

Based on Stephen Lindsay’s graphic novel, this horror will see zombies taking over earth and Jesus sent down to save them, fighting alongside Abe Lincoln. God, this sounds good.

 

Horror film to avoid #3 – Killer Pizza

It’s true that we shouldn’t be quick to judge serial-killing inanimate objects (remember Rubber? – genius), but we literally can’t work out how they’re going to make a murdering pizza look terrifying. Are the Italians behind this? They are, aren’t they?

 

Horror film to avoid #2 – Texas Chainsaw 3D

Be thankful Texas Chainsaw 3D has been and gone. It was fucking awful.

 

Horror film to avoid #1 – Eeyore Dead

Who neighs knows who could be behind this madness?

 

Agree or disagree with this list? What are YOU most looking forward to, you twisted soul?


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Comments for Horror Films 2013 – our Top 10 picks

  1. Killer Pizza is not about actual pizza killing anything. Its about a Pizzeria that is actually a front for a secret monster hunting organization.

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    • Oh, thanks! Now not even the DUBEST of blondes (who can read) will watch! OMG!

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  2. will you be showing fear.com??

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    • If you are still looking to be “scared” by “fear.com”, grow up! That is about as scary as “Poltergeist” 1,2,or, 3! Really?

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  3. I was looking for the “Top 10 for 2013 in Horror”! Ya’ll put “monster University”!? This site is the biggest JOKE! I am not looking for “kiddy” stuff! But…That is what I got! Really? This was a waist of my time! You all still think Carrie, is the biggest hit? WAKE UP! Watch some more movies!!!! Cause shoot, It takes a lot to make this creep jump, and there has been ONE! I would share, but ya’ll already proved to be a waist of time! My efforts will go to those who deserve! Grow UP!

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  4. oh my god, I love horror films but there aren’t many that really do it 4 me any more!! most lack the SHOCK factor n have the ‘you’d never have seen that comin’ now would ya’ (jokin) you can usually tell wots gonna happen nxt . But no and again you find 1 of the really good ones n think yeah actually that was really bloody good.!! SHOCKNG iknow but it does happen sometimes!!

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