The Queen Mother of Grime and Hepatitis herself will grace Kenneth Branagh’s Cinderella.

Next up: Maggie Smith to play an ugly sister.

We all know what this week brings; misleading weather, no more eggs, a newly risen God and a whole new Game of Thrones season for us to wreck our livers with. So we’ve done the hard work for you. We’ve teamed our favourite TV shows with our favourite cocktails to give you one hell of a journey into an inebriated medieval paradise. Do your worst, Joffrey. We’ve got daiquiris on our side…

Matthew Crawley gets out his guns.

We’ve been lacking in Bill Murray love for a while, haven’t we? Aside from his all too brief appearance (for us, anyway) in Moonrise Kingdom last year, we’ve waited long enough for another heartwarming starring role from Murray. In comes Hyde Park on Hudson; sentimental, amusing and heartfelt, the film follows the love affairs and political concerns of Franklin D. Roosevelt at the start of the Second World War. Murray may deliver a wholly believable performance, but the film’s tendency to drift in between storylines severely and unfairly lets it down.

With the news that one of Angie’s sprogs is going to be making a cameo appearance in the upcoming Maleficent, we got thinking about good ol’ nepotism. It’s what enabled Sofia Coppola to get her dirty face all over Godfather 3, introduced Miley Cyrus to the world of fame and singlehandedly brought Rumer Willis’s chin to the attention of paparazzi everywhere. The thing with nepotism, though, is that – despite the fact it works out a lot of the time (see: Angelina Jolie, Jeff Bridges) – sometimes, just sometimes, it spawns people like Jason Connery. Wondering who that is? Then it’s time for you to meet the top ten actors spawned by far more successful parents, and thank your lucky stars that you don’t have a famous mother or father.

Oh yes. This is totally what old age is going to be like…

First time director Niall MacCormick more-or-less delivers with this sweet and predictable slice of countryside sexual politics. And lost childhood. And foundering careers. And growing up. And Alzheimer’s Disease. And some boobs (but only for a second). Basically, each character has a big oppressive thing hanging round his or her neck – if only there was a name for that… Did we mention it’s called ALBATROSS?

He’ll be no Jason Statham.