Robert Rodriguez needs more time to colour-in all the lips and paedophiles in Sin City

You’ll have to wait a whole 8 months for the beefwars in 300: Rise of an Empire, gentlemen

Tanned, muscly goodness!

So this week saw the news the whole nation has been waiting for, breath bated, hands wrung, and nails bitten. Yes, you’ve guessed it, it’s the hotly anticipated follow-up to our Top 10 Naked Royals in Film blog!! Unfortunately, the Duchess of Cambridge seems to have somewhat stolen our thunder by thoughtlessly going and getting herself pregnant in the same week, the shiny-haired ovarian witch.

Matt Smith (yes, Doctor Who) and Eva Green (yes, Eva Green) made this in 2010. Originally called Womb, it had to be rebranded as Clone for the UK DVD release. The story of a woman who clones and gives birth to her dead boyfriend, you’d think this would be amazing sci-fi, or at least amazingly bad, but in fact it’s just a beautifully shot, but painfully dull story, lacking the gross factor, the sci-fi factor or even the moral debate about the concept of cloning factor. Matt Smith is great though.

So, who’s already too hot? Air-conditioned museums looking like a better and better option? Yeah, us too – add in some gin, and we’re THERE. Therefore, this TGIM is our request that you run along to the 007 exhibition at the Barbican before the Olympics start and the place is riddled with bemused Japanese tourists asking you to hold their Union Jack bumbags and take photos of them with every cracked floor tile they come across.

The film of that TV series you’ve never heard of, Dark Shadows does justice to neither its cult classic source material nor the combined talents of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. Fifty times longer than its trailer and half as enjoyable, Dark Shadows is one of the most tiresome, derivative and uninspiring movies you’re likely to see this year.

Has the Thin Man found his Thin Woman?

Whoever knew vampires could be so colourful?

Jamie Blackley joins cast for the misleadingly-titled 300: Battle of Artemisia