From our reporter in the field, Brian Fant- no, wait, Steven Neish.

Colours are just wonderful. Think about how many wonderful colours there are in this world, like magenta and brown. Also wonderful: films! Woody Allen’s latest film Blue Jasmine is out today, which has us very excited because it is a film with a colour in the title. If you don’t see where this is going you don’t know us very well at all.

Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) is retired…again, and is finally enjoying the quiet life with Sarah Ross (Mary Louise-Parker). She’s having a tougher time getting over the excitement of international espionage, however, and is relieved when Marvin Boggs (John Malkovich) shows up with the news that their lives are once again in danger. The CIA have…

Retired and Extremely Dangerous? More like Do Not Resuscitate

Star Trek Into Darkness and Red 2 show case more of their arty side.

Malkovich gets the best to date.

Who keeps giving guns to these oldies?

It’s pretty. Boring.

Perfect, finally a bit of news more depressing than ‘Red 2 is happening at all’